Failed Texting
by Rainbowkittyblossomwings
Summary: When Kululu sends a text to Angol Mois of all people, meant for Saburo talking about how irresistibly cute she is, he knows his life has ended. If she reads it, it'll surely be over for him and he will suffer the endless onslaught of her happy, sparkly eyes. He embarks on an epic quest to try to delete the text before she can read it, and save his pride. Will he succeed?


**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

 **This idea was based on the idea from this comic** **kululuismystagename999 . tumblr post/126992724001/20 (Please delete the spaces when you're copy and pasting) Words and stuff were changed a little bit, but I give credit to them for the idea. (I asked permission if I could write a fic based on that short comic and so this happened)**

 **I hope you enjoy!**

 **The ask blog that I made this fanfic based off is great, by the way. I would recommend.**

* * *

It all started with a single text. "Yeah, Mois has an irresistibly cute face." Kululu had hit send and thought nothing of it, that was, until after about a half an hour later and Saburo still hadn't responded.

 _Ku. I hope he didn't get the wrong idea,_ he thought to himself, clicking his phone and pressing on the text to see why Saburo hadn't responded. They had just been texting and chatting harmlessly until the topic of Mois had come along, his coworker and also a sparkly-eyed demon.

Saburo had been talking about her charm and how he had noticed Kululu had a sort of weakness for the girl. Kululu had tried to explain desperately that it was more of a literal weakness, but after an hour of prodding and teasing from Saburo, and bad pictures Saburo had drawn him of Mois saying seductively cute things in a very MS Paint style, Kululu had finally given in and called her cute.

He hoped Saburo wasn't partying over the victory, laughing about it so hard that he had forgotten how to breathe or something. _I would have probably done the same,_ Kululu reminded himself. _Ku, I suppose this is why we're friends, but boy, do I have to take him down a notch for one-upping me._

Looking at his text messages, he noticed something very peculiar. He hadn't actually sent the confession of Mois having a cute face to Saburo's phone. It was a different number he had accidentally clicked.

"Woops," Kululu laughed awkwardly, looking closer at the number. Hopefully it was someone he didn't know at all and could easily delete their entire phone.

He felt his heart stop beating for a moment as he saw the number, immediately recognizing it - Mois's.

He had sent the confession to Mois herself, of all people. The worst possible situation.

Images flooded his mind of what could happen when Mois read the text. Unlike normal people, the issue wasn't with Mois being sickened at Kululu calling her irresistibly cute, it was more of her being filled with innocent happiness, confronting him and eventually pulling him into her arms with a hug. She'd be so surprised that he thought she was cute.

The teasing he'd endure, although it probably would be accidental teasing, would likely kill him - no exaggeration. And not to mention the staring that would happen that _would most certainly_ kill him.

He'd be a dead man if she read that text.

And he doubted he could make it sound like he meant it as an insult. She'd try to convince him otherwise, that cute wasn't very insulting, especially since he had called her "irresistibly cute."

 _Wait... if there was a risk of Saburo reading it the wrong way... What about Mois?_ She hadn't had any context of the conversation, after all. Kululu could have been talking to someone about her charm, or some sort of mushy thing he thought about her.

Fact was, he had been, but she didn't need to know that. What mattered was she'd likely read it that way, and would be overjoyed by the knowledge that Kululu called her, and felt she was, cute.

He tried desperately to hack into her phone, to delete the text before she read it. But it being a Lucifer Spear and Angolian technology that he wasn't very accustomed to, he couldn't.

The only way to delete it would be directly from her phone.

 _I need to retrieve her phone from her before she checks her text messages. Before she reads it. I need to do this at all costs!_ Even if it meant destroying all the data on that phone, she _could not read it_. She could not read that message!

An alarm went off. It was time for the invasion meeting. Kululu smiled. He could probably get Angol Mois distracted during it, and snag the phone then when she wasn't watching.

* * *

Kululu watched Mois like a hawk during the invasion meeting, waiting so he could see where she would put her phone. He relied on his glasses to make it seem like he wasn't watching her, but hadn't really considered how Keronian heads weren't built to rotate in a way that made it not obvious that he was staring at her.

Everybody knew that he was watching her, and this just seemed to make the situation worse for him.

Keroro coughed awkwardly and leaned over and whispered to Giroro. "What's up with Kululu?" He noticed that Kululu hadn't really been listening to his latest plan, which wasn't unusual in the slightest bit. But it WAS unusual for Kululu to not be making jerky comments and ruining all of Keroro's hard-thought-out plans.

Giroro shrugged. "I don't know."

"Maybe karma? Maybe he wants that woman to go through karma for all the terrible staring she's put him through!" Tamama whispered back. He was all for revenge on that woman. "Go, Kululu, go!"

Unfortunately, Mois was not uncomfortable by the staring. She just fiddled with her shirt pocket and took out her phone, maybe to check it, or maybe to play some sort of mindless bubble-popping game, because Keroro and the rest of the platoon had started focusing their attention on Kululu instead of the invasion plot.

Kululu became rigid as the phone came out. Now was the time to act. "Tamama." He leaned over the table and whispered under his breath to him, "The other day I saw Mois kissing the Captain."

Tamama had no idea this was a lie, but his jealousy was ignited nonetheless. "HOW DARE YOU, WOMAN? DID YOU DO IT WHILE I WASN'T HERE?" He leaped over the table like some sort of monstrous entity, tackling Mois to the ground in mere seconds. The phone fell out of her hands, and Kululu launched forward to catch it, before it could break.

Before his hand got to it, though, Dororo's did first.

"Mois, you dropped this," Dororo told her cheerfully.

"Thank you!" she smiled. "Can you hold onto it for a second for me?" Mois tried to squirm out of Tamama's grip as Tamama just yelled "JEALOUSY" over and over again.

"Ku. I can hold that if you want..." Kululu tried to suggest. Everybody's eyes narrowed suspiciously. So it had been the phone that Kululu was really after!

Dororo shook his head. "Mois trusted me to do it, so..."

"She did? I wasn't even aware Mois remembered your name." Kululu prodded the threads of their friendship.

"She does! Mois, you know who I am, don't you?" Dororo desperately asked.

"Tamama, stop! You don't even have nails to claw me with!" Mois was still a little busy, and didn't listen to his question.

Dororo cried and set the phone down on the table and sat in the corner, mumbling about his various traumas.

The eyes glinted of the three Keronians who remained. They all leaped for the phone, one to hide his secrets, and the other two either to protect it from Kululu, or to figure out what Kululu wanted with it.

Giroro eventually pushed Keroro and Kululu off of him and triumphantly held the phone in his hands. Mois looked over, pushing Tamama over to a chair. "Are you fighting over my phone?" she asked, seeing them all look at each other with a look of rivalry. She giggled a little bit.

They put their arms behind their backs and looked innocent. "Nah," Giroro denied. "Dororo just dropped it and we thought we'd hold it for you."

"There was tongue involved, Tamama. Her tongue was all over the Captain's body," Kululu quickly added, as Tamama wheezed on the ground from the struggle.

Tamama pummeled Mois onto the floor again. "I'M GOING TO KILL YOU, YOU..." Keroro covered his ears as to not hear the terrible words Tamama's mouth uttered.

Giroro held the phone in his hand. He got onto the table and stood, holding it above his head and out of Kululu's and Keroro's reach.

"Now that Kululu wants it, I want it, too!" Keroro pleaded like a child.

"Neither of you are getting it," Giroro hissed. Kululu sat back down in his chair. Although he needed the phone at all costs, he couldn't look too desperate for it... or else people were likely to get suspicious.

Carefully, he opened his laptop and started messing around with various devices in the Hinata house, liable to get Natsumi injured.

His cameras seemed to indicate Natsumi was closest to the refrigerator. So he triggered some explosive food in it and it blew up, the door swinging open and littering Natsumi with old nasty food.

"OH NOO!" she screamed. People like Keroro could barely make out the noise, between Tamama's loud screams and Angol Mois's rather pathetic attempts to sooth him. Bt Giroro, with his amazing ears and Natsumi Senses, immediately heard the girl in danger.

"Natsumi?" He looked almost fearful, ready to come to her side and defend her. "Don't worry! I'll be right over!" Not considering anything besides Natsumi's safety, he dropped the phone and ran out of the room in a desperate plea to get to her.

"Ku, ku, ku," Kululu laughed, taking the credit for Natsumi's pain. He glanced over at the phone, but his laughing had taken up some precious seconds - precious seconds that Keroro had taken to grab the phone.

"You want this, don't you?" Keroro asked, pointing at the phone.

"Nah. I'm fine without it," Kululu lied. If Keroro got bored of it and its appeal, it was likely he'd put it down. Then he'd have it to himself.

"That's a pity, because I was going to give it to you if you gave me a Gundam model," Keroro sighed.

Kululu's eyes narrowed. Keroro was a haggler! He wanted him to bribe him for the phone. He smirked. _So that's his game?_ "Deal," he agreed. A Gundam model was a worthy price to destroy the evidence of his little mistake.

"Well... now that I think about it, maybe a Gundam model isn't worth it. I want two Gundam models," Keroro requested.

Kululu frowned. Keroro was going to go up as many Gundam models as he could before Kululu lost interest, or was broke. That was his game.

An admirable effort.

And Kululu couldn't afford to lose. "I could give you two gundam models... or even ten. But I happen to have an even better deal for you for the phone. A limited edition Gundam model in my lab. There's only one of it. Every collector wants one, and it has some perks that I added myself. Ku, ku, ku," Kululu laughed.

Keroro's eyes glinted with greed. "How great is it?"

"So great that I wouldn't even give it to Saburo," he bragged. "I wanted to save it for a special occasion."

"I'll take it. Give it to me," Keroro ordered. Kululu pressed a button and a shiny Gundam box came from a floor panel. "On the count of three?"

"One, two... three..." They handed each other the designated items. Keroro gleefully and hurriedly open the Gundam box. There was nothing inside.

"Wh-what? What's going on?" Keroro asked. "What is this?"

"Ku, ku, ku. I call it 'The Emperor's New Gundam Model'," Kululu laughed. "It's invisible."

"No, it isn't! There's nothing there!" Keroro cried.

"Ku. Wow. I had no idea you'd realize there was nothing," Kululu laughed sarcastically. "Smarter than I gave you credit for."

Keroro left the room crying.

Kululu hurriedly flipped open the phone.

"Thanks for protecting my phone," Mois smiled, having finally wrestled Tamama off of her. Before Kululu could check her text messages, she grabbed the phone out of his hand and gave him a cute smile.

"Tamama..." Kululu scanned the room for Tamama, hoping to use him to distract Mois again. Tamama was wheezing on the ground, out of shape and done attacking her.

Mois just smiled at him. Kululu hoped to god she didn't check her texts, or else he'd have to be the one to tackle her and distract her.

Thousands of possible distractions roamed through his head. Mois just watched him as he started sweating.

"I'm going to go get Tamama a cookie," she told him softly. "Want some tea while I'm gone?" She placed her phone on the table, knowing he wanted it and was freaking out.

"YES!" Kululu answered delighted. While she was gone, he could delete the message.

She smiled, nodded, and left. Kululu quickly rushed over and deleted his message. She came back with the tea and cookie, handing the cookie over to Tamama and handing Kululu the tea.

"I don't want this!" Tamama threw his cookie to the ground and ran out of the room, hissing like a snake at Mois.

"Here." Kululu handed her the phone.

Mois nodded. She opened her phone and clicked a few buttons. Kululu began drinking his tea, feeling much more at ease.

"So... You deleted it..." she murmured.

"Deleted what?" Kululu played dumb. H-how... How could she have known? Had she seen that she had gotten a text message?

"The message. You seemed pretty desperate to get rid of it. So I let you," said Mois. "You could say, no harm done? Since I already read it and all. I was just so surprised at how desperate you were to get rid of it. It was kind of fun to watch!"

Kululu spat out his drink. She had already read it? He felt his heart thud in his chest. Was this the feeling of death's sweet embrace?

"I can't believe you think I'm cute," she giggled. She brushed some of her bangs out of her face and looked to the side almost bashfully.

It was so sickeningly cute. Kululu knew he was going to die from this display.

"Whatever you do, don't hug me, just because of that... thing," he begged, still afraid that was what she would do. His face was completely read. He wished he could have gotten to her phone sooner before she read it. He wished he could have acted immediately when he texted the wrong person.

"All right," she nodded. Instead she kissed him on the cheek gently, giggled, and ran out of the room.

 _I am a bad influence on her. That was totally a jerk move!_ Kululu realized. He would have been dazed or something, or rubbed his cheek awkwardly, but he suspected he needed to go to the hospital.

This heart acceleration of his couldn't be healthy, after all. He was definitely dying. That, and the way his body had heated up...

 _I'm dead._ If he died, it was all his stupid phone's fault.

He vowed never to text the wrong person again.

* * *

 **Please review! It's nice to write a one-shot again.**


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